I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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