Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
