Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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