I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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