oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
