god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
