Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
