you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
