Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
