If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
