i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
