So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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