Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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