i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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