I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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