Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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