I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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