At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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