if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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