I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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