have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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