It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
