I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
