dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
