I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
