Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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