Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
