He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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