Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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