Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
