Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
