I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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