I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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