i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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