your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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