god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
