There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
