I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
