From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
