We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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