i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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