If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
