i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
