Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
