I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
