Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The uberlube is also flammable
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
