No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
