does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize