How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
