ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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