First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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