i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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