The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
