My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well you can't waste a boner
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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