Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
