help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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