I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
and you fell through a lawn chair
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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