I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
