she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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