no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
