we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
