he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
