I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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