She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
