your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
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Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love you.
Bad choice
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