Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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