I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
high people should be assigned attendants
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
