So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
