please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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