so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
