There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
