It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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