I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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