two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
